Goodbyes.

"Mummy?"
"Hey look at me - look how high I can swing."
"Watch me. I can dive now."
"I don't feel well mummy. Can I just stay in bed today?"
"One more sleep; better have an early night. Santa's on his way."
"Happy holidays. Yay!!!!"
"I'm sorry but your mum has passed away."
"I don't think I did very well in my maths exam today. "
"I love you mum."
"I miss Nana."
 "I got my licence!!!!! woo hoo."
"Oh Lord I'll never sleep again."
"Doctor needs to see you immediately. She wants to operate."
"I got into uni - yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kids the vet says its time to let old Jess go."

So many memories. Twenty years of our life. Growing up and growing older.
As I sat on the floor today, by myself, I could hear the last twenty years in the very fibre of this house. My soul is embedded in the walls; the voices of my children, good times and bad, sad times and funny times. My children have grown up and my parents have died. Mark and I have aged and hopefully matured. We love strongly and laugh frequently. That house surely must have that in every room; the memory of so much love and laughter. Today was to be the last day there but I want to rescue some lilies from the garden so I'll drop back tomorrow. Maybe I'll have a swim while I'm there and lay back in the water; listening to Jordan ride his first 2-wheeler down the yard; "Look at me I can do it." "Yay - how clever are you. Be careful. Well done you've got the hang of it now "  Then Scott calls out "Check out this spider Mum. it's a St.Andrews Cross" "You're so clever with all these bugs and things son. He's lovely." Then my Kimberley as she puts her toe in the water for the first time." Are there sharks in there Dad?" " lol no baby you're safe"

So I'll cry for times past, wipe my eyes and thank God for my wonderful family all grown up and making their own way in the world. My time as their mother will only end when my life does but the dynamics change as we do. To leave the family home is a wrench but its the turning of a page, the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. So I will be sad and I will grieve a little, and then I'll  "throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in my sails. And explore, dream and discover." (Mark Twain)

It feels like our new life can begin in earnest now :)